


Bigger Than Love

by rafolshoe



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24756961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rafolshoe/pseuds/rafolshoe
Summary: Lisa was hoping that the past days have been just nightmares. Just the ghost of her fears she tried to bury in the darkest parts of her heart. She was trying to wake up from these terrors, but every time she does, it is the empty space of the bed that greeted her. Space which once belonged to Chaeyoung.
Relationships: Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Kudos: 21





	Bigger Than Love

**Author's Note:**

> Chaelisa oneshot inspired by Oh Wonder's Bigger Than Love. Hope you listen to it. :)) Sorry for grammatical errors. :((

Lisa never imagined all her precious memories will end in a situation like this especially in a sacred place. 

Lisa was hoping that the past days have been just nightmares. Just the ghost of her fears she tried to bury in the darkest parts of her heart. She was trying to wake up from these terrors, but every time she does, it is the empty space of the bed that greeted her. A space which once belonged to Chaeyoung. And when the reality hit her to the core every midnight, Lisa ends up crying her heart out. She brings Chaeyoung's pillow to her chest, hugs it tightly as if it will soon fade away. Lisa muffles her wailings, inhales the remnants of Chaeyoung's scent, hoping it will bring back their happy memories. Praying it will lull her back to sleep dreaming of it and never wake up. But it never happened. 

The several nights of torture have taken its toll. The circles around Lisa's puffy eyes grew darker. Her cheeks were hollow, her jawline was more pronounced, and her greasy hair was all over the place.

Lisa's appearance was the complete opposite of Chaeyoung's. 

She looks beautiful tonight, Lisa thought.

Lisa remembered the first time she brought Chaeyoung to this place. It was after their prom night they snuck into this abandoned movie theatre in the middle of the city. The jumped over the fence barefooted, wearing dresses with their heels clung to their arms. Inside was dark and cold, but instead of fear, their giggles echoed around the theatre. They headed to the technical room where they climbed upstairs to reach the rooftop. 

It was a very chilly night, Lisa recalled. The pitch-black sky was clear, and the stars and the moon shone a light upon them. Instead of blond locks, Chaeyoung had her long raven one. She still had her chipmunk cheeks back then, and her high-pitched giggles. Despite the impatient honks below them, the entire world was theirs. It was that night they told each other's dreams, held each other tight, drew their future together.

It was the place where they made love the first time. The laboured breaths, the sloppy kisses, the heat of their sweaty skin, the tingling sensation, the desperate touches, the pain and the pleasure, the blood and tears, all those memories seemed so far away now. Everything has changed.

"Lisa, why are you doing this? Look at yourself." Chaeyoung begged. She was in pain, but so was Lisa. Neither of them wanted to be in this position, but it was inevitable.

"I should be asking that question, Chaeng," Lisa croaked fighting back her tears, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Lisa, don't do this. Don't be so selfish!" Chaeyoung gasped. Her eyes were glistening with tears rooted in her anger and love towards Lisa. 

Chaeyoung's last word was deafening to Lisa. She was fuming. How could Chaeyoung accuse her of being selfish when for the past eight years, her world revolved around her and her only? When it was Chaeyoung's wants and needs she put first instead of hers? 

"You're the one who's selfish, Chaeng!" Lisa snapped, angry tears cascaded from her eyes which were so dark it reflected nothing but bitterness. Her glare was so piercing that it ripped Chaeyoung's soul into pieces just by looking into it.

"I gave you everything, Chaeng. You know it! The fucking everything! And I am just asking one simple thing." Lisa finally gave up, she let pain and grief swallow her whole. No shame, no pride, she pleaded, she begged. "I am asking you to stay with me Chaeng. Just. Stay."

"I did, Lisa. I already did." Chaeyoung tried to make Lisa see the things she can't. "You knew I wanted to study music in Sydney, but I stayed in Melbourne because you asked me to. I declined a big shot offer in New York because I chose to stay on my shitty job just to be close to you. I know for a fact that we could compromise, that we can make this long-distance relationship work but you are refusing to acknowledge it, why is that?"

Lisa was just seven and innocent when her heart broke the first time. She remembered her parents yelling at each other that morning. In her memory, the screaming had turned into a blur of noise. The words "leave", " keep", "come back", " never see" were the only ones that remained crystal clear to her, the rest were a just nuisance. 

She remembered her momma planting a kiss on her forehead, telling her she will come back when the small hand points to eight before heading to work. Lisa promised to wait for her momma's return. And so she did that day. She waited until the small hand pointed to eight. She waited until it pointed to ten. She waited until it pointed to twelve. Her momma did not return. She thought her papa must have grown tired of waiting because he did nothing but drink. However, Lisa kept her promise the next day, and the days after. She watched the clock, lost count of its ticks and tocks. When her papa was sober, Lisa asked him when is the right eight o'clock where her momma finally comes home. He said her momma will never come back.

Three years later, Lisa was still watching their front door every eight o'clock in the evening. Hoping it will finally be opened by her mother. It did, but to her dismay, it was her aunt. Her papa and her aunt talked out of her earshot. Unlike the usual yelling, her papa spoke softly, there was no anger, but Lisa saw sorrow on his face. 

The next day, Lisa's aunt told her she will bring her to her momma. It must be very far away from home because they rode a plane. She never thought her momma rides a plane to work. Her naiveness made her believe the pilot of the plane her momma was on got lost in those vast clouds and never-ending seas. It was easy to get lost in the sky since there were no road signs and police to ask for directions.

When they reached a small house, she saw a woman sleeping in a box-like bed. Her aunt told her it was her momma. Lisa said it wasn't. The woman was pale, unlike her momma's tan skin. Her smile was not as bright as her momma's and her hands were not as warm as hers. There was no joy on her face, but only sadness and regret. Lisa hated the sleeping woman, she hated her aunt for lying to her. She wanted to come home and wait for her momma there. She was scared that she will miss her momma's return. She hated her momma for leaving her. Lisa was only ten and she was so afraid. She felt so alone. 

And now, the fear she buried deep in her heart was eating her out. Lisa was goddamn terrified that Chaeyoung will leave her alone and never come back like what her momma did. She was fucking scared and all that she wanted was for Chaeyoung to stay.

"Why do you have to go to Korea, anyway?" Lisa spat, she could taste her salty tears on her lips, "Is Melbourne not enough for you? Am I not enough for you?"

"Jesus, Lisa. This is not about you." Chaeyoung sputtered, "This is bigger than Melbourne or Sydney, this is bigger than you and me, this is bigger than us. This is my dream, Lisa. This is my life. We're not in high school anymore, we need to grow up. We have lives, careers to pursue, futures to build. Please, don't hold me back, Lisa."

"Chaeng, do you love me?" Lisa croaked. She hated the fact that Chaeyoung was so ambitious that her life with Lisa wasn't enough for her. Lisa hated herself for being not enough to make her momma and Chaeyoung stay.

Chaeyoung walked towards the broken girl. She held Lisa's once strong shoulders. Now, it was nothing but a fragile frame which anytime can be shattered into pieces. Chaeyoung lifted Lisa's chin, pressing her forehead against the other girl's with their noses colliding. She was drowned in Lisa's doe eyes, the hazel pools that made her fall in love with the younger girl eight years ago. 

"I love you more than anyone else in the world, Lisa." Chaeyoung whispered, "and I hate to see you hurting like this."

"Then stop hurting me, Chaeng," Lisa begged in between her ragged breaths.

Chaeyoung closed her eyes and listened to the rhythm of their heartbeats. It was a warm summer night but Chaeyoung never felt so cold with Lisa in her embrace. She spoke as softly as possible, "How about you, Lisa? Do you love me?" 

"I'm so in love with you, Chaeng, I can't even stand it," Lisa replied with full conviction.

"Then please, don't make me choose."

There was a couple of minutes of silence and soft sniffling between them. It was only broken by a beep of Chaeyoung's phone. The older girl released her grasp on Lisa's shoulder and wiped her tears. Lisa refused to look at her which Chaeyoung silently thanked for or else it would be so much harder for her to leave her love like that. 

"I'm sorry Lisa, I need to go." Chaeyoung sighed, "My flight's at eight."

Chaeyoung tiptoed and left her heart through a soft goodbye kiss on Lisa's forehead with a lingering promise of her return. She left Lisa alone without looking back.

**Author's Note:**

> Jennie dyed her hair!! Bluesé, omg!!


End file.
